Need a boost?
Depression can trick us into seeing the negative side of almost everything. A tried and true depression illusion I see in my clients is the belief that they’re not “good enough”, not worth loving, or are unrealistically flawed. It takes work and practice to adjust and break these thought patterns depression has created, but it absolutely can be done.
Start by working to acknowledge any small wins you’ve had throughout day. Notice the word “small”, this is not winning a Pulitzer Prize or a marathon. These are seemingly insignificant events in our day that don’t completely suck. Got out of bed? small win. Got your kids out the door in the morning with matching shoes on? small win. By noticing these we begin shifting our thought process away from everything being viewed through depression’s negative lens. In order to strengthen those neutral and positive thought patterns, we have to use them again, and again, and again, etc.!
Along these same lines, start a “Yay me journal” to record your successes, no matter how small. Maybe you made someone smile today or you took a walk outside, record it!
Don’t apologize for everything! Your depression may be making you think that you’re the root of others’ problems, but that is likely not the case. I do this all the time, I apologize for standing in or walking down the grocery store isle where someone else wants to be, but we deserve to take up space just as much as the next person!
This is a big one, stop Instagram-comparing! Yes, I’m making that a verb and you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Try to also keep your judgement of others in check. If we’re constantly noticing flaws in others, we’re going to notice our own even more .
Do something you enjoy and are good at at least once a week, if not every day. Finding what you enjoy is hard when you’re depressed, but these healthy behaviors are a big part of recovery and knowing (accepting/loving, etc.) yourself.
Ask yourself “what would a good friend or a family member say about you?”. This is a great way to start challenging the self-defeating thoughts depression wants you to believe.
Shift your self-talk away from what depression has made you believe about yourself. Challenge negative thoughts by asking yourself reality based questions such as “What’s the evidence for and against this thought?” or “Is that thought based on facts or a feeling?”. Careful trying to shift into full on Positive Polly mode, your depressed mind probably won’t believe the positive affirmations, but neutral statements or facts are easier to believe. Notice how “I have a body” may be easier to swallow than “I love my body”. We’re looking for more accurate thoughts as we start breaking away from depression.
This one is a little like Stuart Smalley from SNL, but try saying “Good morning” to yourself each day. The act of simply acknowledging yourself can connect to a feeling of gratitude for being strong enough for another day. If you want to take it a step further, add “I love you” to your morning hello and see how you feel.
Notice smiles or a “Hello” from others. This usually means they’re happy to see you, hence you actually are a person worth loving and wanting to be around!
Say no! Setting healthy boundaries around work and favors for others sends yourself the message that you’re worth protecting. Because you really are!
Stand up for yourself. Is your co-worker pushing you around? Find an assertive way to communicate to others that you don’t deserve to be treated that way. Not only does this make you feel stronger but it also tells yourself that you deserve better.
Try going out on on a date with yourself. Even if you have to fake feeling confident enough in your own skin to go to dinner alone, try it!
FOR CHILDREN:
To boost self-esteem in children, they thrive on specific praise for doing something well. Instead of just “good job”, try saying something like “I love how hard you worked at that” or point out a detail of their work.
Play with them. This shows children that they are someone worth wanting to be around.
Try starting the practice of saying nightly affirmations aloud at bedtime with them.
Let them do things on their own. This is a huge confidence booster that shows them that you have enough confidence in them to do it. Better yet, let them teach you something and watch how their little faces light up doing so.
If these don’t seem possible or don’t appear to help after tying them for a few weeks, work with a therapist to help you uncover and address deep core beliefs about yourself, and to learn to increase self-compassion and acceptance.
